You know that feeling of having such a strong connection with someone that you know it’s not just a friendship, but at the same time, it’s not exactly a romantic feeling either? Yes, it may seem confusing at first glance, but many people experience it, and that’s where the term Queer Platonic and Queer platonic Relationships (QPR) came from.
A Queer Platonic relationship can be considered out of the ordinary, because most people are used to establishing relationships in different ways, be it as friendships or as affective-sexual relationships, such as relationships as a couple.
What happens in queer-platonic relationships is exactly the opposite, i.e. an intimate relationship and a bond of love is built, but not necessarily a romantic one.
At the same time, the bond created can be very close and intimate, but not sexual. Neither of the parties, even if they have feelings, act accordingly.
This type of relationship can be established between people of any gender or sexual orientation. All that is needed is admiration and emotional ties between the partners. It involves feeling the desire to be with the person, to have a relationship with them, even if it is not a romantic attachment.
How do Queer Platonic relationships develop?
At the end of the day, queer platonic relationships are starring individuals with different tastes, experiences and ideas, so they vary according to the preferences and agreements of the people involved, there is no rule or x or z way of doing it, but it takes a lot of talking and empathy for everyone to be happy with the relation.
However, there are some points that should be discussed mainly so that the queer platonic relationship tends to work better:
Exclusivity rules: following a similar logic as in dating, the parties involved can agree on exclusivity rules and talk about issues such as monogamy or not and/or whether one or both parties could have romantic and sexual relationships outside of it.
Level of physical contact: It is also important to discuss how far each party is comfortable with physical contact, for example, some prefer to stay in friendly contact such as holding hands, hugging, and others may go as far as kissing and even some form of sexual intercourse.
It all depends on what you both feel comfortable with and the level of freedom to express yourselves within the relationship.
Queer Platonic Relationships x Friends With Rights
Some people may confuse the concepts, and although attraction is very relative and varies from one person to another, usually in the case of friends with rights, even if there is also a friendship in between, some other criteria such as affection, admiration and the desire to share time and activities together are not always present, as is the case in QPR.
In other words, in queer platonic relationships you stay with a person not necessarily for sexual intentions, but because you feel a strong connection with them, because you want that person to be part of your life in other ways, even if this often means sexual abstinence or having sex outside the relationship.
What are nicknames like in QPRs?
For obvious reasons, and because it is a “different” relationship, some people do not feel comfortable calling or introducing their queer platonic partner as boyfriend, girlfriend or something else, nor do they feel comfortable calling him or her simply a friend, as it is something in between.
Therefore, a term has been created. Participants in such a relationship may refer to their other partner as “zucchini”. It is not known exactly where the term comes from, nor is it usually translated, but is adopted directly from English in its original form, so it is an affectionate and neutral way of referring to the other party involved in this relationship.
Are Queer Platonic relationships for me?
To outsiders, Queer Platonic relationships may seem strange and curious. Yet, the truth is that many people didn’t even know they existed. There is a general tendency to want to fit everything or almost everything into closed boxes, into labels and names.
Why not experiment, take the closeness and connection you have with another person and allow yourself to build something new, or at least different from what is known or expected?
Making plans, wanting to be together. Nothing is as enjoyable as being with them. After all, you enjoy doing the same things, and nothing is tedious or boring because there is always something useful to share.
This person understands you. You speak the same language and sometimes finish each other’s sentences. When something good or bad happens to you, this is the first person you think of telling.
You have a lot of chemistry, even if it’s not sexual. And the list goes on… If it all makes sense, why not do it. There’s no reason to stop enjoying a Queer Platonic relationship and having a good time.