What happens when you don’t enjoy sex – anorgasmia? When you hear others talk about great experiences and intimate encounters. Moans, gasps, sweat and waves of pleasure run through your body. Something you want to experience in order to be “normal”, like everyone else. But despite experiencing a multitude of practices and stimulations, it seems impossible. So it is normal to come to the conclusion that something in the person must be wrong. So much to physical or biological level, or mental. But before the alarm bells ring, it can be a phase of anorgasmia.
What is anorgasmia?
It literally refers to the inability to have and feel an orgasm. No matter the stimulation received, the posture, the sexual practice performed or whether alone or in company, nothing seems to be as pleasurable.
This fact is usually something that many people worry about. Wondering why and if you have a problem or to what extent it can be serious. As if it were a disease for which an intervention is necessary to be cured.
And yes, it can be a problem to go through a phase of anorgasmia, but it is relatively simple to solve it. It is even important to know that it is quite normal at some point in life to go through a time like this.
Tips to avoid anorgasmia
The first thing is to be clear that at the sexual level, the satisfaction and enjoyment of all erotic relationships and encounters are influenced by many things, especially mental. It depends on the day, worries, feelings, character, fatigue… Even the weather can affect, both for better and for worse.
That is why it is important to have patience and be frank about several things before starting to worry. Each person is unique, has different tastes, beliefs, desires, fantasies and preferences. Therefore, the relationship with your body and the way you relate to other people varies.
Leaving negative thoughts behind
The first thing to avoid anorgasmia is to be positive. Thinking too much and especially if it is negative can only lead to further dissatisfaction. Asking yourself questions like “what’s wrong with me?” “why can’t I enjoy myself like everyone else?” “I must be doing something wrong…” usually leads to anguish, worry and tension.
Feelings that are best avoided when having sex and that can lead to anorgasmia. It is better to keep your mind as blank as possible, let yourself be carried away by every sensation and experience the moment. Leave behind the expectations based on the porn available on the internet, that does not have to be a sample of reality or what is “normal” to do or feel in a sexual encounter.
Avoid stress and anxiety, it is a time just to enjoy and where everyone should feel comfortable. Forget the worries and the list of things to do for later. Now only the pleasure counts.
So what if you don’t enjoy it? If only all sexual relationships were intensely satisfying. Just like in any erotic story or romantic movie where there is incredible sexual chemistry, real life is quite different. It would be ideal if all people understood each other in bed and were masters and mistresses of seduction. But, even so, you have to keep trying, because what if it works and you get an incredible orgasm?
Self-knowledge
Knowing one’s own body, where it is most pleasurable to be touched and how is very important. Knowing the fantasies and fetishes that you want to make reality, experiment and let yourself go to discover a new world of sensations. As well as the limits and how far you want to go.
Satisfying one’s desires also leads to an increase in self-esteem. Learning to fall in love with oneself, as well as feeling desired, is the best combination. Enjoying the things you like most is the best gift you can give yourself.
That is why it is important to try and experiment, to get to know how it feels and what you prefer. Meanwhile, along the road to discovering pleasure, there can be some really interesting and fun stops.
Sex education and sexuality
Who dictates what is normal and what is not in sex and how to experience it? Another thing you can do to avoid or better manage anorgasmia is to get informed. Yes, read, ask and search about sexuality. Beyond sexual health, postures, the best places to do it, fantasies and a long etcetera.
Better understanding and knowing more about sex education helps to live one’s sexuality in a different way. Knowing what to expect and how to act in each moment avoids many worries in the long run.
Past experiences
It is possible that after some unsatisfactory or even bad or traumatic encounters, you may have some difficulty to enjoy again. This is completely normal. The body and mind resist because it has learned that this is the way sex works.
That is why the most important thing is to be patient and do only what you are comfortable with and want to do at that moment.
Stereotypes can lead to anorgasmia
Throughout history, society has understood sexuality in one way. The concept has evolved and has practically been taboo. In addition to what it has meant in terms of gender.
Men have always been the virile, powerful person who has to take the initiative. While women have always had to be more subtle, delicate and willing to please them, opting for a more submissive role.
But what about all the people who do not identify with these adjectives and classifications? Pretending or expecting to be what you are not in order to please others does not usually end well. Reprimanding oneself in this way, already causes dissatisfaction and makes it very difficult to enjoy any intimate and sexual encounter.
Consult experts
Anorgasmia can arise for different reasons. It can be temporary or more permanent. It can be a matter of the partner or oneself. Caused even by some diseases or by the intake of drugs or alcohol. In other words, for physical or psychological reasons.
That is why if it really becomes a concern for any person the best thing to do is to seek expert help. Having an analysis or going to couple’s therapy can be good options. A way to resolve all doubts and stay calmer, knowing what to expect and how to act from that moment on.
Communication
When it comes to sex and any problems that may arise around it, it is very important to have the space and confidence to talk about it. Anorgasmia may be because the partner is unaware of the other person’s desires or does not know exactly how they like to be touched, as well as their fantasies.
Unfortunately, no one is yet able to read minds and it is necessary to communicate clearly and directly in order to understand each other. Besides, as they say, no one is born knowing everything and practice makes things perfect. So, let’s train to improve the technique.
