What is the first image that usually pops into your head when you think of sex? For many people, the answer to this question is simple, penetration. This is precisely what coitocentrism says.
A tendency that associates intercourse with a central role (hence the word). That is to say that without one thing there is no other, so without penetration there is no sex either. An idea that may seem very limiting initially but that most people believe.
Coitocentrism: is there pleasure without penetration?
Just imagine a crazy night, meeting someone, that spark of attraction and passion, but oops, none of them are carrying condoms. What to do? Make it anyway? In these cases, it is better to avoid the risk of any Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD). But that doesn’t mean that nothing can be done either.
There is a whole path from nothing to penetration. Sex is not just this as coitocentrism seems to explain. There is a world of possibilities, especially for the more creative. Other parts of the body can come into contact and friction, generating that heat and tension until pleasure explodes.
A good example would be oral, masturbation, massages, using different sex toys, tantra… There is even a practice literally called “Kings out” which refers to precisely this: the king stays out.
You just have to dare to experiment. Let yourself go and test the sensations and reactions of the body to different stimuli. The genitals are great erogenous zones, yes. Penetration is satisfactory in most cases, yes, but it is not the only way to stimulate this area of the human body, nor are they exclusive. That is to say, there are more parts of the body capable of provoking intense pleasure if you know how to stimulate them.
This is the case of the neck, ears, collarbone, chest, nipples, lips… and a very long etcetera. As well as ways to stimulate them and about what is available.
Coitocentrism debate: where remains female pleasure?
One of the great debates about coitocentrism is that it seems to focus solely and exclusively on male pleasure. Why is that? Well, it is mainly because they are more physical in this aspect and enjoy this practice more intensely. However, this does not mean that many women do not.
Simply, the female gender tends to be more mental and capable of enjoying an infinite number of other practices. Therefore, coitocentrism can be somewhat limiting in these cases.
In addition to the pressure it puts on the act for all genders. The expectations of what sex is or should be, the role of the man and the woman during the act. It can even be common to hear “that doesn’t count as sex” “I just sucked him off”.
In the end, they are different forms of intimacy, but in which there has been physical contact. However, there are studies that state that most women and even some men do not get pleasure from penetration itself. So looking for alternative practices is the most appropriate in these cases.
So what really is sex?
Coitocentrism says that sex can be whatever it is but it has to involve penetration as the most important thing. Something you can more or less agree with. But so in the end it ends up leading to a clear question: What really is sex?
Regardless of this, the important thing in these cases is to know oneself. One’s own body, fantasies, desires, fetishes, tastes… Because from there, one can be able to know what really provokes intense pleasure. So it can be communicated and put into practice.
But for this it is very important to be informed and to practice, experiment and try different things. Open your mind and broaden your horizons to discover that sex does not have to explicitly involve intercourse or penetration. Although this, obviously, is left to the free choice of each person according to what he or she wants.
In short, anyone can practice coitocentrism or not, in the end, the fundamental thing is that both parties involved enjoy it and the more intensely they do it, the better. Broaden horizons and discover all the opportunities offered by sexual relations and the human body. After all, in its most general sense, sex is all the activities that generate arousal.
So whether it’s just kissing, just using hands or tongue or any part of the body without penetration, it’s still sex. Fortunately or unfortunately for many, it counts. So let’s start thinking a bit more about how it feels rather than what you’re doing, in order to get more enjoyment out of it.